A Little Bit of a Scare...

...and possibly a little too much information if you're squeamish, just a warning!

Tuesday afternoon I went to the bathroom and noticed a dime sized blood clot when I wiped. I wiped again and there was another. I immediately called my OB practice who had approximately six thousand questions to ask before deciding not to send me to the ER (I guess I passed!) but said that they would like to see me in the office this morning as a precaution.

So I had an appointment this morning at nine. I went in a little bit nervous, but expecting everything would be just fine, especially since I was having absolutely no other strange symptoms. They listened to Sofie's heart and measured my belly just like they always do...pass and pass. Then they did an internal exam to make sure that there was nothing unusual going on in my nether regions (and holy hell is that ever uncomfortable!) Unfortunately they discovered that I am starting to dilate. The midwife was able to put her entire (relatively small) finger through my cervix (and oy did I mention the discomfort?) So...that started a bit of an adventure.

They collected a swab to send in for a fetal fibronectin test, which is a test that can determine if there is an increased risk of starting labor within the next two weeks, and then they hooked me up to a monitor for awhile to make sure that Sofie was moving and sounding good and that I was not having regular contractions. They monitored me for about half an hour. Sofie bopped around as she always does and everything looked super. I did have one Braxton Hicks contraction, but nothing unusual, timeable or regular. So they sent me home with instructions to take it easy and told me they'd call when they got the results back from the swab.

So we spent a few hours tensely googling preterm labor, the benefits and risks of corticosteroids (used for maturing preemie lungs) and tocolytic agents (used for delaying labor) before the phone call that fantastically assured us that the test had come back negative. It is 99% accurate at predicting that I will not go into labor within the next two weeks. So that's a relief!

We don't know why I've started to dilate. It's possible that it's just a variation that is perfectly normal for my body. They'll keep a close eye on me, probably do more of those uncomfortable exams at my upcoming appointments and possibly repeat the fetal fibronectin test in a couple of weeks. In the meantime we are relieved not to be preparing ourselves for an early delivery and wondering if our little worm has a bit of a morbid sense of humor!

Sofie's Spot 28 Weeks!!

Oh my! Would someone please tell my bottom that it had better let a few pounds settle on it in order to balance the belly?! I'm officially part of the third trimester club and up another three pounds this month bringing my grand total to 28.5. This month I can see the bottom of my belly button, which is very strange. It hasn't popped out yet, but it is slowly becoming more and more shallow. I imagine by my 32 week post it will be a goner! Sofie continues to be a very active little booger and her movements are quite obvious now. I was really sick at the beginning of the week and I fell asleep spooning Ben. He said he couldn't believe that I could sleep through her constant kicking. He could feel it on his back! I had the dreaded glucose test at my appointment on Friday and it really wasn't so bad. I haven't heard the test results yet, but I'll just assume that no news is a good thing! My appointments are now scheduled for every two weeks until I hit 36 weeks at which point they will be weekly. I can't believe that in a mere 12 weeks we're going to meet this little individual. It seems like the time just keeps flying by.

On May 12th Ben graduated cum laude with two BA's, one in Psychology and one in Philosophy. It was so wonderful to see him finally accomplish such a big goal. He had been really looking forward to graduation for a very long time, and I was so happy to play the role of the proud wife grinning up in the nosebleed seats. Congratulations Pea-Pie! I'm so proud of you!

My clinic placement for next year, the final piece of my education puzzle, has finally been confirmed which is quite a relief! I'll start my first rotation on July 2nd and continue until Sofie decides it's time to greet us or August 17th, whichever comes first. Then I will have time off until October 15th at which time I will return three days a week until December when I will resume full-time status. It's going to be a crazy busy year, but it's also going to allow me to graduate on time with the rest of my class, and that means that Ben can pursue graduate studies next year if he chooses to, rather than waiting for two full years to continue. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm very excited about the placement. When I discovered I was pregnant I was convinced that I had spoiled my opportunity to go to this particular site. I'm thrilled that I was wrong and so grateful that they've been willing to work with me. I think it will be an excellent opportunity for me to learn so much, and will hopefully open some doors for me somewhere down the road. But I'm also very sad to be leaving Sofie at such a young age and working so many extra hours during a time when she is growing and changing so fast. It's a bittersweet decision and one that I hope I won't regret in the future.

I had a wonderful weekend catching up with some old friends. There's something about old friends that just can't be recreated with new ones. I had a great time reminiscing and it's always fun to hear about struggles and successes and realize just how far we've really come...how much we've grown up. I just can't believe I'm grown enough to be somebody's mama!

Ben has two interviews scheduled for tomorrow. Everyone please keep your fingers collectively crossed! One of the jobs would be an excellent place for him and would give him some great experience to put on his grad school applications. I'm afraid to get too excited about it. What are the chances of someone getting the first job that they interview for?!? But a girl can hope, right? If we can get all our ducks in a row we'd like to move before the end of June. Regardless of whether we're moving or staying put, we will be losing our internet service temporarily sometime in the next couple of weeks. I still have access to plenty of computers at the University, but if my posts are few and far between you'll understand why...

Bum Stories

I've been a little lax lately with the bum updates. It's finally getting warm outside and they're coming out of hibernation, migrating back from the warmer states if you will. We've had a couple of amusing run-ins with the bums lately.

First, the bums love to congregate behind our apartment where there is a little ledge. They hang out there, drink their beer and have a good old time. The other day Ben came down the back steps and spied a bum sitting there with his alcohol. The bum said, "You don't mind that we sit out here do you?" and Ben said, "Well actually, I kind of do, but don't worry about it." So the bum said, "Well, you want me to clean up? I'll clean up..." and proceeded to pick up the mountain of trash that has accumulated from their empty beer bottles and fast food bags (as if there wasn't a dumpster less than twenty feet away...ugh!) Ben wandered off muttering, "You don't have to do that, it's ok..." Seriously?! We should just start calling the police and get them arrested for open containers.

We've been working on packing up some "stuff" around here to make room for the baby. (Soon I'll have some before and after pictures to share with you from our computer room/closet space!) Today mom came up to take some of our boxes back down to her house to store in the basement. Unfortunately, not everything fit in the car, so we decided to pitch a chair that we weren't planning on keeping anyway. Very opportunely, a bum happened by and wanted to know how much we wanted for another chair we were trying to shove in the trunk. We told him that it wasn't for sale, but that he was welcome to have the rejected chair free. He was very pleased and proceeded to talk our ears off for a good fifteen minutes as we tried to escape. I even got suckered into hugging him.

I am incapable of stressing just how much we want to get out of this place before Sofie joins us. I can't even imagine the attention a new baby will attract, not to mention what an easy target we'll become. Ben's job search has still not produced any results yet. It is getting kicked into high gear now that he doesn't have any distractions. Cross your fingers that he finds something soon!!!

Of Nothing in Particular

So, guess what I did today...

I took my last final for my last semester class EVER!

Sure I still have one five week summer course, and I have to finish my research project and pass my written and oral comps, and then there's that whole year of externing...

...but somehow, this feels like a huge bittersweet milestone. I'm almost done folks!!!

In completely unrelated news, I went for an echocardiogram yesterday (before you freak out, it's really no big deal...I've been having some minor heart palpitations, and they are just being ridiculously and annoyingly thorough ruling out anything major) and the ultrasound tech unexpectedly let me take a little peek at Sofie! It was a very brief and very very unclear peek, but I did manage to surmise that she's looking an awful lot more scrunched these days than she did a month ago, and she was reflexively sucking, so that was kind of fun to see! My little inner cheerleader was going, "Woohoo Sofie! Keep on sucking...you'll be a champion breastfeeder in no time!" (It's embarrassing what kind of strange maternal thoughts have been creeping into my head lately!)

Ben and I had our first Bradley method class on Monday night, which was very interesting. I think we're going to learn a lot of useful information, and since one of the major tenets is relaxation I think Ben will be giving his fair share of massages these next few months. I've never been so excited to do my 'homework' in my entire life!

Lastly, my cell phone, er...actually a cheap old used replacement, is finally back in working order. After a couple of rather annoying incidents I decided it was time to rejoin the land of the connected. Unfortunately, I lost all of my contacts when my old phone decided to take a dump. So, if you ever want me to call you again, you'll need to give me a call and remind me what your phone number is. If, however, you'd prefer to remain in cell-phone hater mode and just continue to write e-mails instead, that is more than just alright by me!

Sofie's Spot 24 Weeks

Goodness gracious, check out that belly! Told you I had a growth spurt this month. I've gained a whopping 25.5 total pounds, which is a constant source of anxiety for me. I had intentions to only gain 30 total. Middle of the road between the 25-35 "they" recommend. Looks like I'm well on my way to 50...gloom. The belly is starting to get in the way. I have backaches every night, I'm finding it harder to get out of my chair and cutting my toenails last week was quite a challenge! I've been much more active since the weather has finally gotten nice, and I've made it over to the track for a jog a few times now. I can't tell you how satisfying it is to troop around that track with my belly bouncing right along...I feel a bit like a superhero! Sofie's been very active too. She loves to have a half-hour aerobics session around 1:30 AM, and we've noticed that sometimes my belly is really hard (when she flips over and sticks her butt out) and then she'll flip back over and it will get soft again. I'm pretty sure she's still hanging out breach since I often find myself squirming through some "friendly" little kicks in the cervix...fun! We signed up for some Bradley Method childbirth classes that begin next Monday. I'm pretty excited about starting them. They claim that 86% of couples who finish their classes have natural, un-medicated births. Much better than the national average of 10%! They focus a lot on the husband's role as coach, which is really good because I have a feeling I'm going to need all the help I can get!

Surprise!

So..uh..remember how we wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise?

Yeah...you remember.

And remember how the ultrasound tech might have had a little slip up and said "her" but maybe she just said "our" and we weren't really sure what we heard?

Yeah...you remember that too.

Well guess what?

We had a prenatal appointment today, which was pretty uneventful overall. Everything is normal and on track, except that I now weigh as much as a hippopotamus, but we won't mention that...

We were anxious to hear the report from the ultrasound, since the ultrasound tech really wasn't allowed to tell us anything juicy. So the midwife opened up our file, came and stood right next to me, and together we read through the results. Singleton, breech position, something about the placenta being in the right place...yada yada yada...head circumference measures such and such weeks, something about the brain...yada yada yada....

...and of course I was reading ahead...

"The baby's gender is female. THE COUPLE DOES NOT WISH TO KNOW THE GENDER OF THE BABY."

OH....shit!

By the time the midwife got to that section she just skipped over it and moved away from me, but I had already seen it. Then I had the enormous weight of keeping it quiet for the rest of the appointment, and of course Ben didn't have a clue, because he was sitting on the other side of the room.

So...needless to say, I'm a bit disappointed that my surprise has been so completely ruined, but since it's been ruined for us we thought we'd share the news with the rest of you.

And while we're ruining surprises...

It doesn't seem right to call a real little baby girl Worm as we have been calling the somewhat abstract child hanging out in my belly these past happy weeks. So we're saying goodbye to our little Worm and hello to little Miss Sofia Claire.

On Being Poor

Ben and I are pinching pennies.

Since he's graduating next month, CONGRATULATIONS PEAPIE!, he's been working on applying for jobs, and every day I'm disappointed and worried when no one calls for an interview.

My brain has gone into overdrive. Every little purchase has been completely over-analyzed. Today I got my hair cut. I've been needing a haircut badly for about two months, and working on saving the money for about a month. Instead of getting that nice, refreshed, light feeling that I normally have after a haircut, I felt ridiculously guilty for spending the money. I went to Target and bought some 3.00 mousse and flip-flops for 2.50 and the whole time I was thinking..."I don't really need mousse. I could totally live without this. And it's not even very warm out yet. These flip flops can wait. I think I have some crusty ones from last year I could dig out." I spent some time torturing myself by looking at the maternity clothes and the baby things. There was a nice pair of dress pants for twenty bucks, but I thought, "I'm only going to be in clinic for a few more weeks, and I've gotten this far on hand-me-down, high-water dress pants. I can make it a few more weeks..."

We've been talking about staying in this ghetto apartment until December...until I'm able to contribute a little to our income again. There's really barely enough room for the two of us, and I have been over and over the floor plan trying to figure out what we can get rid of and how we're going to squash in the bare necessities that we'll need for the baby. I've been considering how I'm going to manage laundering cloth diapers without a washer and dryer, but I'm still committed to using cloth diapers because I'm pretty sure we're not going to be able to afford disposables. I've been praying that I won't have a problem breast-feeding since formula is so outrageously expensive. And I've been brainstorming all of the options for free entertainment that will keep me from going stir-crazy in a house without a television, and most likely no internet services.

But the truth is...there's part of me that's really looking forward to the challenge of it all. I always learn so much about myself, about my strength and ability to persevere, from the situations that I would never have chosen for myself.

I know that Worm will have no concept of the fact that it is "doing without." I'm perfectly capable of keeping Worm's belly full, it's bottom dry, and of providing all the love and snuggling a little one needs. By the time Worm is a year and a half old, Ben and I will be in a very comfortable position, and all this struggling to keep our heads above water will be a distant memory.

I hope that we'll remember to teach Worm to value life and not things. I hope this child will feel confident pushing out beyond what's comfortable and in doing so embrace the lessons that are truly meaningful. Worm may feel the sting of being denied the best of the best, but it will never feel the sting of being denied our love, our time and energy, and our dedication.

Bouncing Bellies!

I apologize for the lack of postage lately, but here is your warning that there will be very few posts until May. This is because the semester is wrapping up, and I'm pretty sure that they're trying to kill us! If anyone feels like having a little fiesta around May 11th or so, (Heidi?!! Kristy??!) I will certainly be on that bandwagon.

I think that Worm has been growing exponentially lately. Just wait until you see the 24 week belly picture! Exponential growth is also the only way I can explain how ridiculously tired I've been. Monday night I went to bed about 7pm and slept like a baby all night. I got up on Tuesday and got ready for the day, but I felt like a giant turd. So I went back to bed and slept until 3:30! What the heck? I've really been dragging all week, and with so much to do it's awful timing. Perhaps this is an early lesson in how to be flexible with plans, something that I'll need at least 100 or so lessons in before I get any good at it...

Today we learned that Worm's movements are strong enough now to cause visible movements on my belly. Watching my belly bounce around makes me giggle uncontrollably, and then the moving stops as if Worm is thinking, "Earthquaaaaake! Take cover!" After awhile it will start up again and the whole cycle repeats. Somehow I'm still having a rough time believing there's actually a little being growing in there. Maybe once things settle down a bit and my attention is less frayed it will start to sink in. Or maybe, they'll hand me a baby at the hospital and I'll say, "Wait a minute...where the heck did that come from?!"

Guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Worm's First Pictures!

Well folks, here they are...the long awaited ultrasound pictures!! Worm is quite a wiggly little one, and didn't stay still during the entire half hour process. At one point Worm even got the hiccups! Worm is hanging out breach at the moment, weighs in at a whopping 377 grams (about 3/4 of a pound) and is measuring right on target except for it's extra-long femur bones. Looks like we might have a tall kiddo.

Though we don't know for sure, we're suspecting that Worm is a little girl because after we diligently closed our eyes and did not peek while the ultrasound technician recorded the sex, afterwards she said something to the effect of, "Got 'er hand up by the face." I'm not sure if she said her or our, but Ben's pretty confident he heard her. I guess we'll have to wait and see!

Here's Worm's little arm and hand...

A scary alien face view...

Another scary alien face...

A profile shot...

and another profile shot with a view of the extra-long femur!

Brace yourselves because I already think this is the cutest little baby in the whole wide world!!

(If you click on the image it will get bigger! If you're not my mother, you probably already know this!)

Colorado!

So, it turns out that we didn't actually take that many pictures while we were vacationing. But since I promised pictures, here they are...


Here's Ben and I hiking on one of the trails on the way up Pike's Peak. It was a beautiful day, but it gets flipping cold when you drive up the side of a mountain...

A family of deer came down for a visit to our cabin one night after dinner. We counted nine of them, though they obviously didn't all make it into the photo. They were literally about twenty feet away from our porch.

Here we are looking like midgets at the Garden of the Gods. I swear we brought more than one outfit...though we ended up in our hoodies several times!

Here's the Vance family at the Garden of the Gods. Notice Clayton in the fabulous stroller that now belongs to Worm. Thanks Vances!

Miss Lillie May, the world's smallest rock climber, and Andy in the background wearing Clay on his back who, we've been told, can sound mysteriously similar to a mountain lion when you're hiking up the side of a mountain and forget that he's back there!

...and the obligatory photo of a baby in a bucket...because who can resist!

Andy had three interviews and got three job offers. The house in St. Pete is going up for sale, and it looks like the Vances will make it to Colorado before we do after all!

Stay tuned, hopefully there will be ultrasound photos on Monday!